I'm on the Obama dream team!

I realized this week that I am now a full-fledged member of a new national phenomenon: I want to get famous by getting noticed by President Obama. I say this in all self-deprecating humor because my little pipe dream has about as much chance of coming through as does a ticket to one of those idiotic multi-state Powerball lotteries. But like the people who own the Powerball tickets, I've got my little dream scheme and there's a small chance that it could happen. And I'm not alone. There are hordes of starry-eyed Americans out there with similar dreams and I'm pretty sure that the majority of these fantasies involve dogs and dog related items. As we all know, the very first promise the president elect made after winning the election was to allow his daughters to get a puppy. It was a brilliant political maneuver that made even the staunchest republicans say, "Awwwww... how cute!"

So now we have TV news stories every day showing us some dreamer with a puppy that would be perfect for the first family. My wife and I were out to dinner with a group of friends last week and our friend Mary has a foster puppy named Karma who would be perfect for the job of "First Dog". This pooch even has a blog aimed at pitching himself to the Obama family. And get this: the very next day Mary and Karma were on the local TV news telling the story of how Karma just might have the right karma to wind up with the name Karma Obama. (That name does have a ring to it, I'll admit!)

The Wall Street Journal ran a story last week on how the nation's capitol is besieged with left-wing dreamers and schemers hoping to get the ear of our new president with their various visions and ideas. It's natural that this happens every time we change the guard, but Mr. Obama's "we the people" rhetoric has exacerbated this phenomenon to dizzying heights. My favorite of the group was the guy who drove his schoolbus into town with an organic garden on top to encourage everyone to grow their own food. You gotta wonder what kind of gas mileage he gets on that mobile victory garden, don't you? I love the dark irony of calculating an environmentalist's carbon footprint.

So what's my dream? It's quite simple: a dog dish. I was contacted via email from a well-placed customer with an even better placed friend who will be meeting with the president this year and he wants to give the first family the gift of a hand-painted dog bowl. I realize that I might be totally jinxing it here by talking about it, but I believe in destiny, not jinxes. If I am meant to be, for the rest of my life, "that guy who made the dog bowl for The President" it will either happen or it won't. Odds are that I will get something in the middle. Yes, I will make that amazing presidential dog bowl and yes it will get sent to the White House. But I'm guessing the odds are that it will be just one of a horde of thousands of Obama dog bowls that will end up getting shipped off to a warehouse somewhere deep inside the Smithsonian Institution. Picture in your mind's eye that final scene in "Citizen Kane" where the Rosebud the Sled gets tossed in the furnace. Such is the stuff of dreams...

My Top Ten Favorite Wally Adventures

I can't even estimate how many various adventures my imaginary dog Wally has had over the past twenty-five years. The total number is probably close to a thousand, especially if you count all the various custom orders I've produced. Wally has been commissioned to motorcycle jump over wedding parties and "wrestle" with Hillary Clinton, just to name a few. Today I'm going to take another trip down memory lane and present you with my top ten favorite Wally cartoons of all time.

WARNING: SOME OF THESE JOKES CONTAIN DRUG REFERENCES AND SEXUAL SITUATIONS THAT MAY NOT BE SUITABLE FOR YOUNGER AUDIENCES. PARENTAL DISCRETION IS ADVISED.... REALLY!!!!

#10: "Wally finds a way to secure increased funding for NASA". I really like the simplicity of this one, and it was a good simple political joke for the aftermath of the Iraqi invasion in 2003.

#9: Wally comes home to find his house completely redecorated and Martha Stewart waiting in a bathtub filled with whipped cream". When I first came up with this idea, I thought it was too racy to sell in stores. Wrong!

#8: "Jerry Garcia wills Wally the marketing rights to his obscure but memorable exercise video". I did a number of Grateful Dead jokes with Wally in the 80s and 90s, so when Jerry died I was compelled to commemorate his passing. This cartoon was printed in Bill Husted's column in The Denver Post in 1995.

#7: "Wally is diagnosed with a clinical case of caffeine dependency, thus enabling him to park in the handicapped spaces at Starbucks". I suppose the fact that this one is our #1 top selling Wally mug helps, but it's still a really solid joke. I've drawn it on pots well over a thousand times!
#6: "A 'Random Acts of Kindness' seminar inspires Wally to beat up a masochist". This joke was inspired by the witticism: "A masochist is someone who is kind to a sadist".
#5: "Wally makes the mistake of using George W. Bush for his lifeline on 'Who Wants To Be A Millionare". We made a ton of these five years ago, and I still really like the hook in this joke.
#4: "As luck would have it, Wally's trip to Disneyland falls on the same day as The Apocalypse". I love the premise of this one: the happiest place on Earth on the last day on Earth.
#3: "Wally guest stars in a 'Love Is' cartoon". I never could convince my wholesale accounts to carry this one, but I still think it's about as funny as it gets. Perverted, but funny!
#2: "Wally buys the 'Lost in Space' robot on eBay only to have it nag him about how much time he spends shopping online". If I could think of one joke as simple and funny as this every day, I could do a syndicated cartoon in the newspapers.
#1: "Wally experiences a blind date so bad, it causes severe psychological damages". I had a really great guy who worked for me for about a year, and his name was Kyle. One day he told me about a friend of his who took LSD and watched the movie 'Faces of Death'. Yikes! I just took that story one step further here, and I think it's wonderfully dark and weird.

Wally becomes a leading economic indicator and Tom discovers "Extreme Craft" (and vice versa)

New cartoon! With depressing economic indicators constantly beating on our brains all the time, it's not surprising that my latest Wally adventure features a connection between the 1930s and the present. I'll be pitching this one to my galleries and retail customers this week, and we'll be drawing it on a bunch of mugs, plates and bowls that will be loaded in the kiln on Wednesday. If you have any specific designs or custom orders you need, be sure and let us know ASAP as Kelly is leaving on her academic world tour later this week. I'll miss working with her but I'm so glad she's going on this amazing trip. Her "Semester at Sea" destinations include: Spain, Morocco, South Africa, Mauritius, India, Thailand, Vietnam, Hong Kong, China, Japan and Hawaii. All I can say is, "Wow!"

Good news! My first week on Etsy (see last week's post) had a nice little success. I was chosen by Garth Johnson of Extreme Craft as one of the featured artists of the week and my "Lost in Space" plate got pitched to all Etsy subscribers in a mass emailing. Garth is quite possibly the world's leader in championing weird and wonderful craftspeople and the stuff that they make. I'm totally geeked about his blog that features everything from watermelon bras to people who create their own superhero costumes and weapons. I highly recommend exploring this site and reading his insightful posts. With an MFA in ceramics from Alfred and a lifetime of exploring all facets of the craft world, this guy is my new hero. As the other Garth would say, "I am not worthy!!!"

It's 2009! Hello Etsy, goodby Cosmo.

Happy New Year!

I'm putting some of my "beginning of the year" energy into building a new website for my pottery at a social networking/retail craft site called Etsy. I came across it last month while I was reading various pottery blogs and it has been getting good reviews all over. It's dirt cheap: just twenty cents to display each item plus a small fee if you sell through their site. I'm using it primarily as a way to find new customers and steer them to my existing online webstore. As I was building my store, literally within the first few hours of being on Etsy, I received an email from someone who had bought my work back in the 80s and was happy to see that I was still making pots. This is a very good sign! The selection of artists on the site is a younger crowd and I really like the vibe. It's like Facebook for artists and I'm looking forward to seeing how well it pans out in terms of sales. I should have my site completely built by the end of the week at a total cost of under ten dollars. Click this link to check it out!

Over the holidays I read the book, "Clear Blogging" by Bob Walsh. It's a very good overview on the mechanics of blogging and I picked up some excellent tips and ideas. It was great to learn that I did a good job of figuring out how to create a blog by just stumbling through it the past few months. A lot of things in life are just common sense. But I think if I had read this book before I started this endeavor, I might not have jumped into it at all. There is a fair amount of maintenance and diligence needed to have a blog that is read by the masses. So from a business point of view, the jury is still out as to whether or not I should be spending my time doing this. But now I have a better sense for how I should focus my writing so it is something people will want to read once a week. It's pretty clear that my weekly posts should:

• be really fun to read
• be focused on the zany aspect of my artwork
• be shorter so as not to loose my audience
  
• use bullet points to make my point, because for some reason you should use a lot of bullet points to make your point
  

So long, introspective, "talking to myself out loud to myself" posts like this one will just have to go, I guess.

One of the things the book emphasized was to have a "beat" and cover it on a regular basis. This was totally the case with my "Stump the Sage" blog. I started that one on a whim because I really know a lot about rock trivia and I'm a geek for Bret Saunders' trivia shtick every Wednesday morning on KBCO. The blog pretty much wrote itself and it was terribly fun to do. Writing from the perspective of a caustic monkey just fit the subject matter perfectly and I probably could have kept it going if I had much of an audience. But the sad fact is that it just didn't get many hits. The one week that Bret mentioned it on air was good and we got a decent number of viewers. But the next week was dismal and I think the only people who were reading it were people from Clear Channel... DJs and corporate goons. I know this stuff because I have Stat Counter, an amazing service that gives you tons of info on who is visiting your various sites. I sent a fair amount of emails to the KBCO folks to try and get links and such, but they really didn't see it as an asset so I'm letting it drop. So I am sorry to inform you that Cosmo the monkey "died" in a plane crash last week. Life goes on, man. You just gotta deal with it. If this sad news really affects you, I suggest that you leave your thoughts and feelings in the comments section at the "How to Stump the Sage" site (That was a not-so-subtle hint)

Here's a Bowl of Mixed Nuts for the Holidays

This is my last post for 2008, and I'm happy to report that I've met my goal of putting up a halfway decent article each week. OK... you be the judge of the quality here. It's been a lot of fun writing this blog, and I'm pretty sure I'll keep it going next year as I've gotten a lot of positive responses from fans and friends. I do like the process of writing, and I think that this blog is a good way for me to share my thoughts with the people who buy my work.

Here's a few odds and ends for the end of the year:
"The Goddess of Turkey Media" - I'm kicking myself for not having made at least two dozen of these plates last week. I got an email request to "do a joke about that Sarah Palin video with the turkeys" from a customer in California. After watching the YouTube video, the joke pretty much wrote itself. My initial thought was that this story was a flash in the pan and Wally pots with this design would get old quickly. But the image and story is something that is fun to remember, so I'm going to put this design in my webstore as this could be a great decorative Thanksgiving object to treasure for years to come.

"The greatest gift of all" - I think the best gift that I will have given this year is going to be the one that I made for the sheer fun of it. I'm in a guys' book club that meets at irregular intervals, usually at cheap restaurants where we usually don't talk much about the book that we read. It's a group of men who are a bit older than me and have interesting lives with very successful, eclectic careers (film making, oil exploration, etc.). Last week we met at Bert's house because he has been laid up with a back injury. He and another member of the group traded stories about the misery of sitting at home all day in pain, whacked out on drugs with not much to do but feel like crap. The day before, as Bert's wife was putting up the Christmas tree, the two of them reenacted that memorable scene in "It's a Wonderful Life" where George Bailey goes totally bonkers in the family living room on Christmas eve. Suffice to say, Bert just doesn't have the Christmas spirit this year. Driving home that evening, I realized that I could make a nice commemorative gift out of this story. A week later, the ornament was out of the kiln and I literally ran it down to their mailbox. I live exactly five miles from their house, along the route of my favorite fifteen mile run. Bert called just a few hours later and he and his wife were totally thrilled with their ornament. Bert's wife is a former potter and their home is filled with some truly amazing pots. I'm glad that their collection now has one of my best pieces in it.

"Yippie-kai-yay, Merry Christmas!" - While my all-time favorite holiday movie is and will always be "It's a Wonderful Life", I now have a close second. We were decorating our tree last week and we wanted to put on a Christmas movie but we had a problem. All of our holiday films are on VHS and a lightning strike last summer took out our VCR. Monica had just bought the first "Die Hard" movie on DVD and Lori remembered that the story takes place on Christmas Eve so we put it on. Man! This is the perfect film to prepare you for the stress of the holidays. What are our mere trials and tribulations this time of year compared to John McClane's epic duel with a pack of terrorist/thieves?!!! Christmas music and imagery abounds in this film, as in the scene shown below. I love that moment when McClane's first casualty shows up in the elevator wearing a Santa hat! This film brings back fond memories of Los Angeles for Lori and me. Our first home was just a few miles away from "The Die Hard Building", as we called it. Lori commuted to UCLA where she worked and got her degree, and the cheapest gas station en route was "The Die Hard Gas Station" featured prominently in the film. To top it off, we had seen Bruce Willis and Cybil Shepard filming a scene from the TV show, "Moonlighting" one time when we were getting off a plane at LAX. The show was just starting to take off and Bruce Willis was still a relatively unknown actor. I made eye contact with Bruce and he gave me one of those patented eyebrow raises as if to say, "You've seen my show, right?" File it all under, "I love LA".

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!!!

That dude who got elected president is right. Change IS coming!

Permit me to lapse into the introspective, self-absorbed mode of blogging that was discussed a bit in last week's post. No, I'm not going to show you a picture of a super clean toilet. But I will bare my soul to the world just a bit.

The topic for this week's post is, "How is the current world economic crisis affecting Wallyware Pottery?" The short answer here is, "A whole lot". Ever since the mid 1980s, I've been selling the majority of my work through fine craft galleries. Since then, the fourth quarter of the year has always been the pleasantly busy time of year with each kiln load filled with wholesale orders that get shipped out of the studio the day the pots are unloaded from the kiln. In our heyday in the late 1980s, I had a potter working for me and two decorators painting for me during the holiday season to meet the demand. We had clipboards filled with orders and at times the galleries had to wait up to six weeks to receive their orders. My overhead was a lot lower then, and the cost of everything has gone up significantly for a number of reasons. Needless to say, I used to make a darn good income when we lived in Los Angeles! But this year, the majority of my steady accounts didn't even place their regular holiday orders, and the ones that did sent us much smaller orders than in the past. So I have a lot of pots in my stock room right now and I'm looking at next year realizing that I need to find some new ways to make money. And I'm not alone, am I?

The one bright spot in all of this is that it has inspired me to be more creative. My online webstore was languishing for a number of years and I'm putting more energy into it now and it's paying off. Thank goodness that my fans are still buying my pots! I'm actually getting more orders than last year through the webstore right now, but the size of the average order is significantly smaller than it was just a year ago. As Bill Clinton would say, "It's the economy, stupid." So with the slower sales, I've been more inspired to come up with new designs. My "What's New" section is a real testament to the fact that I'm trying hard to keep this business from going under. The new 401K mug and that Obama ornament are selling pretty well. This blog and the spin off "Stump the Sage" blog have been wonderfully fun to write, but I'm not sure if the time spent on them has been worth it in terms of sales. I'll probably have the imaginary monkey that writes the "Stump the Sage" blog get lost in a plane crash in the jungle in January. Things either wax or wane, and that project should start to wane soon. But it was wonderfully fun to create and it was nice to get a "thumbs up" from Bret Saunders on the radio last week. So the exercise of writing once a week has been a good challenge for me and I'm glad I took it on.

The other thing that is going to make my business change a lot in the new year is the fact that my assistant, Kelly is leaving in mid-January for a four month semester at sea program. Kelly has been working for me for over a year now and she is an absolutely perfect person to work with. She's great at the details of painting and shipping pots, and she is a true friend who is very easy to get along with. To top it off, she is a distance runner with amazingly similar tastes in music, movies, etc. Having her work for me is like having another way-cool daughter!

So rather than hire someone new right off the bat, I'm going to grind out a couple more kiln loads before Kelly takes off and put the pottery studio in a dormant mode if the orders don't come in next month. And I'm guessing that this is going to be the case, considering my orders have been slow the past few months. We will still have pots for sale in the webstore, of course, and I'll be putting a lot of energy into trying new marketing strategies via the web. But I'm preparing for the worst, and to meet my financial obligations to my family, I'll probably have to look for a paying job. This is a bit daunting as, in all honesty, the only things I'm really exceptional at are making pots, running long distance and rock trivia. One of my goals with all this is not to be a disgruntled middle-aged man who feels sorry for himself. I love a good challenge! But it's going to be damn weird as I haven't had a "real" job since 1978, my senior year in college.

So how do I end this post? How about some nice pictures from earlier this week. On Thursday morning I sent Robin an email and invited her to come up to paint pots for holiday gifts. It's something she and Monica have been doing ever since they can remember. She brought her boyfriend, Noah and they had a nice afternoon raiding the refrigerator and painting pots. Noah is carving out more and more notoriety in the local cartooning scene, and I like his work a lot. It was really fun to see what he came up with for the pots. He's got a comic talk/book signing with John Porcellino coming up on 12/20 at Kilgore Books. If you live in the Denver area, check it out!

A blog about a blog about blogs

My eyeballs are hurting. I've been scouring various "best of blogs" websites this week because I thought it would be fun to write a blog about all the blogs out there. The other day I realized that I started writing this thing a couple of months ago without doing much research at all on what other people are doing out there on the internet. So plowing through the blogosphere this week was fun for a while, but in the end it left me overwhelmed by the quantity and underwhelmed by the quality of it all. And my starting point on this adventure was thebestofblogs.com! I can only imagine how dismayed I would be right now if I had been scouring the average or below average sites. So let me share with you some of the good, the bad and the ugly...

The good: Stuff White People Like is a delightful read and the author really knows how to gently poke fun at people whose ancestors hail from Caucasia. I loved his take on topics like hummus and marathon running. This site is a real treat!

The bad: I'll run for Donuts was the winner of "best sports blog" on thebestofblogs.com and I can't imagine why. He does have a snazzy banner that looks like the Dunkin' Donuts logo, but the rest of it is drivel. This week's post features a pic of his clean toilet and endless chatter about the minutia of his life. Oh, and his posts on how he trains for his five and a half hour marathons are even more boring. It left me screaming like Nancy Kerrigan after she got hit on the knee, "WHY?! WHY?!! WHY?!!!!"

The ugly: Temporary? Insanity, the Egomaniacal Ramblings of a Mildly Deranged Housewife is well written but it's downright creepy. I stumbled on to this one and read the 12/03/08 post entitled "An Addiction". Here the needy, pathetic blogger/guru is discussing her inner demons and threatening her faithful readers with the ultimate form of internet suicide: hitting the delete key on her blog. It's fascinating to read the responses from her sycophantic friends and fans in the comments section of this post, but in the end you feel bad about the unhealthy trip these people are on. Maybe there are happier posts in this blog, but the ones from the first week in December were rather dismal, in my opinion. My advice: go outside and get some fresh air and exercise instead of spending all those hours glued to your computer.

But I have a weird side, too, because a couple of weeks ago I started a second blog! I'm a huge fan of rock trivia and I've won well over a thousand dollars worth of concert tickets over the years with my musical knowledge. My favorite contest is called "Stump the Sage" on KBCO FM in Boulder. Bret Saunders, the DJ, channels the spirit of a crabby know it all and answers questions from the audience. If you pose a question he can't answer, you win the prize. So I put together a fan website hosted by MY alter-ego, a caustic genius monkey with psychic powers. It's called "How To Stump The Sage at KBCO". I'm pitching the concept to the program director this week, because it might just be a good ad for my business. I'll keep you posted.

And speaking of business, here's our latest mug design! We're rolling a bunch of them out of the kiln on Tuesday....